My Womanhood

I wish all my thoughts cud get converted to blogs and posts, all the conversation that goes inside my head, I just wish it get published anonymosly.....becoz i do not want anyone to discover whats going inside my complex brain.

I am difficult i know, I don't want things those I get easily....I want to struggle and fight for things I want truely.I love to be in pain.

I just want trust me completely with my judgement I feel if I can get proper freedom I can go past the moon and reach for the stars.I do..... I really reallly do.

But there are disadvantages of being a woman, and for the first time in my entire lifetime, I am feeling bad for being a woman.For being on a constant time constraint to get married....Find that perfect person....One which will bring envy to all my friends and relatives.....The man who can make me the dark horse that I am....

But everyones dream and sense of happiness are not same...I do not know what exactly do I want from my husband....what will I be wanting in 10 years down the line or perhaps 30 years down the line....Who will make me happy and how much material world makes me happy.I do not know for sure until I tread deep into those waters.Until I start liveing with a man.Until I feel deep love for him, until I make him happy and proud of me and until I give him children and make a complete family.

I want to get married yet I do not feel the yearning to get married.So, in order to gain some momentum to the process I have started doing some research in the web domain ....not to know how to find the perfect man or how to make that super scumptous meal...But how to make a perfect "Wedding website" ...from ewedding.com,weddingwindow.com, firstphera.com....it's irony that still now I do not know the grooms name...But still wedding bells are ringing afar...i have to be very calm and patient to listen to them......I need to start building my Hope Chest....start arranging for my love nest.......